well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
