When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
