peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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