You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
