i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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