So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I see more hoeing in ur future
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
