She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I touched a dick in church today
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
