Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
