just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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