Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
