apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
