What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
So vagazzling was a success
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
