I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
