So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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