Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
