u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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