You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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