I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
