bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Randomize
