I want to make a zoo with you.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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