Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
