Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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