I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
