I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
