Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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