He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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