wrigley field is MILF paradise
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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