A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
