and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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