He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
