So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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