bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
