i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
please come you make the beer taste better
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
40s are totally the cure
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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