Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
