actually, I'm a sock model
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
