just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
