he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
