there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
