just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
