The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just want to make out with him forever
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
