hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
