walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
