I bet he comes in French.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
