dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
