Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
