I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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