So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
