He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Success! We fucked roommates!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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