omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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