ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
you mean i was at the winter classic?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
