Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
