lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
