found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
