Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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