his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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