The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
