To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
